Trusting in God While Grieving

I debated on whether or not to post how I felt yesterday, I debated on whether it was something I wanted to blog about...but writing is my release. Writing allows me to be my introverted self on paper & still express my thoughts & feelings. I also debated because this is something very close to my heart & I'm very guarded with my heart. But, I promised to be transparent...so here goes my transparency...

When you lose someone close to you the first thing we tend to do is question God & His timing. We ask why for our selfish reasoning instead of asking for understanding, strength & courage to get through the trying time. Today I lost my uncle, my uncle raised me as though I was his own. He taught me things that a father is supposed to teacher their daughter. He showed me how a man should treat a woman & taught me to never settle for less than what I was worth. It's hard to lose someone who had such s major presence in your life. When I think of how I feel...I just feel sad, really sad. How do you cope with the lost of a big piece of your heart? How do you cope knowing that you'll never hear that person's voice again? This person being one of the only people who showed you what unconditional love felt like, the person who made you feel safe, the person who made you feel beautiful & genuinely loved you for you. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope, I don't know how to grieve, I feel lost & it all feels surreal to me right now. I'm putting my trust in the Lord, that's all I know to do. 

When I grieve, I like to grieve alone...it sounds strange, but it's just how I deal with things.  It's honestly awkward saying out loud to someone that my uncle has passed, it makes me face the stark reality and I don't like that.  When I think of the 29 years I have had with my uncle, all I can do is smile! I'll always remember him as the strong, wise man that he was.  

The Winking Lizard was our favorite spot, he and I had been going there since I was at least 5. Blessed to have my own memories and blessed to have these memories for my son as well!

Thanks everyone for all of your support during this trying time! I greatly appreciate it! 

Relying on the Lord

I was thinking about how I could contribute to blogging when I prayed about it my heart just opened up. There is a lot that people do, they feel shamed, hide and even lie just to make themselves feel better. I too have fallen into these circumstances, dealing with depression and rage and shame most of my life. I never really understood how to be transparent towards others it always seemed that when I needed to have some one in my corner they were never all in or had a different agenda.

Not until recently about a year ago did I fully comprehend that I was not in charge. Don't get me wrong I mean I knew about God I have been baptized, saved by his grace many a day and thanked him as well but I never Grasped the concept of taking a back seat. When I was approached by one of my very best friends about the possibility of starting a blog I was thinking " I am already too busy homeschooling my four children and being a wife". As time went on and we went from just talk to action and I am so happy that we did. Our first lesson together as a group was being transparent I thought I already knew how to do this ooh boy was I wrong. I knew how to bend towards others and say what I thought was needed in order to avoid opposition and confrontation.

After starting the lesson I grew to know God and myself closer, It helped to study scripture and
apply scripture to daily life and not only that but we held one another personally accountable for strength through prayer. The acronym  L.I.F.T soon became our name and is very suitable (Ladies in faith together). One of my favorite scriptures is at proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart , and do not lean on your own understanding. I have found this scripture to be very helpful in my daily life. I used to be anxious and sometimes honestly I still am about things that arise in life but I am not in control all that I can do is pray. God will make a way for YOU when the timing is right. I now understand and do not question God this year alone our family has been so blessed and it is all because we love the Lord and have gotten closer to him.

I want to urge all of you to learn this scripture at Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I WILL answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not know. The Bible is a promise and we as Gods people will grow as we unite with the Lord, trust in him and rely on his Word.

My pain, Gods Purpose

I've really been contemplating what to say or where to start. I even contemplated whether or not I should do this blog because I questioned my ability to reach out to women and help them. Then I realized this was a desire that God placed in my heart, so surely I could do it with His strength and grace. So, I asked myself why are you doing this, what's your purpose? What I realized is that I want to help empower women, young women, and girls. I've seen so many women, including myself settle for less than we deserve, which happens to be God's best for us! I've often found myself looking for love in all the wrong places because I was trying to fill a void that only God could fill. I had my son at 15 because I was looking for love in all the wrong places, hoping that the love of my child would fill the void of emptiness and loneliness that I struggled with on a daily basis, but it didn't! When I look at all that I've been through, the struggles, the heartbreak, the pain, and the loss, it was all a platform to my purpose. I do pray that you all don't have go through the same things I did because a lot it was my own doing, but I do know that we have to go through some things (struggles, pain, and suffering) for a DIVINE PURPOSE. I have to admit a lot of the bad decisions I made were simply because I didn't know my self worth, I didn't know how much God loves me, how He wants me to be the best version of me that I can be in Him! He has great plans in store for us all. I want women all of ages to know and believe this! To sum it all up I have a passion to encourage and empower women, to reveal to them the love of Christ, to lead them to Christ, and help those in need of the same AMAZING GRACE that I continue to experience on a daily basis! We are all a work in progress, on a journey to do this thing called "life" together! Just know that God has a plan for us all! Your pain is your platform for you purpose! "~For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."~Ephesians 2:10

Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ

No Role Models

I'm not really sure where to start or what to say to start off, I have so many things going through my mind.  I have been contemplating starting this blog for a year now and have procrastinated on doing so, but God kept putting it on my heart to just do it.  

God keeps telling me that my calling is to inspire and minister to women, but when I think of myself and all that I have been through, I wonder how I can inspire and minister to other women when I'm still trying to figure it out myself...I know we are all works in progress, but I don't think that I am a role model or even someone that people should want to be like.  Then I think of the example God wants us to be like, He wants us to be an example of Him and who He created us to be.  When people see us, they should see Him and that is the type of role model we need, not only women, but men as well.

In my daily prayers, I always ask to be an example of who God wants me to be and let it be transparent to anyone who I encounter.  We are all sinners and we disappoint Him on a daily basis, however we have His GRACE! We all have testimonies and we all have things that we are not proud of, we all have things that we want to keep hidden from people, I am no exception.  My goal with this blog is to be transparent, to share my short comings, my disappointments and my testimony in hopes that someone will be encouraged and inspired.  

The world we live in is so focused on worrying about what others have and how God has blessed them, that we have some how forgotten how to put our devices down and pray and study the Bible.  I know this is something that I struggle with and I pray to become better.  

My challenge to you and myself is to stop harboring over what others have, one we don't know their testimony, we don't know what it took for them to get there, two we don't know what relationship they have with God and that's none of our business, and three God will not give someone else YOUR blessings! 

I'm so excited to be on this journey, I'm not sure where we are headed, but I know God has equipped us to handle it!