Made New

As I reflect on this past year I am so overwhelmed. I've had some good days and not so good days but I made it! I made it because God walked with me through every moment. There were times when I thought I wouldn't make it, times when I wanted to give up, times when I questioned why me? Through those moments God sustained me, He caught me every time I fell. He provided for me more than I could ever imagine! He blessed me more than I deserved because He is so GOOD! He's removed some people from my life and brought some pretty amazing people into my life. God is good, He is so good! So many times I tried to control things that I couldn't but God could and He did!  He is always in control and I pray that you all know that! I pray that you go into this new year knowing how much God loves you, I pray that you all know that God is with you through every moment, the good and the bad ones. God loves you so much He gave his son so that you could live! I pray that you walk into this new year living the life that God has called you to live, a life designed to bring Him glory! Know that you identity is found in Christ, you don't need anyone else to validate you! God has already done that! You do not have to walk into the new year carrying shame, guilt, anger, or bitterness! Lay it down at the cross, give it all to God! In Christ we are made new! Know that you deserve the best of everything God has to give you! I love you and sincerely pray that you go into this new year truly knowing that you are so loved by God and He wants you to have the very best for you! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

More Blessings to come

Thank you God for my life.... All that you are, all that you have received and given praise his name and give thanks. God never stops giving he blesses us beyond imagination. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  says Rejoice always ; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks ; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Amen.... This year started off a little rocky for me but after learning how to pray and meditate on my prayers, learning how to depend on God and not myself , letting go of stresses and anxieties finally the will was there and the way of the path was laid for me and my family. In 2015 we prayed for a new home so that we did not have to struggle to raise our children with the scrutiny and judgment of others not being in our own dwelling.

Our prayers were answered and then some my husband was made permanent at his job which came with a huge pay raise and we ended up moving into a house big enough for our family. I have also had an unexpected excitement we just recently found out that  we are expecting a baby our 5th child. Things are panning out so positively I give him all of the glory and praise. I am so happy I feel like I was in a storm, drowning for such a long time and when I let it go and asked God to solve the problem he did all in his own time but right on time. Going into 2016 let's stay positive and remember that all things are possible with God and all of the praise belongs to him..

Amen 2016 see you soon

You are ENOUGH!

How many times do we tell ourselves that we are not good enough? How many times do we compare our situations to other's situations? How often do we not attempt to do something because we fear that we will be judged or rejected? Do you know that you are ENOUGH? God created you to be the exact way that you are and that is enough, who ever feels that it is not enough or makes you feel as though you are not enough needs to be removed from your circle.  Often times we keep people in our circle because we are comfortable with them, even though these same people never uplift or encourage us and make us feel bad about ourselves.  It is ok to love yourself! It is ok to believe in yourself! It is ok to want the best for yourself! These are things that God already knows about you to be true!

When you feel inadequate, remember God says: You are CHOSEN.

“‘You are my witnesses,’ declares the Lord, ‘and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he’” (Isa. 43:10).

When you feel unloved, God says: You are LOVED.

“You are precious and honored in my sight, and . . . I love you” (Isa. 43:4).

When you feel forgotten, God says: You are REMEMBERED.

“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” (Isa. 49:16).

When you feel insecure, God says: You are SECURE.

“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders” (Deut. 33:12).

When you feel unable or unstable, God says: You are ABLE.

“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights” (Hab. 3:19).

When you feel worthless, God says: You are CALLED.

“You are a chosen [woman], a royal [priest], a holy [daughter], God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Pet. 2:9).

Go into the New Year loving YOU! 

Today I looked at myself in the mirror and said "You are amazing and I love you" it felt weird doing so, but it also felt invigorating! Other people can compliment you all day, every day, but if YOU don't love you, then those compliments bounce right off of you.  If you don't love you, when people compliment you, you feel as though they aren't genuine and they are really judging you for your imperfections.  Leaning to embrace my flaws is something that I work on daily and its not easy.

I once had a friend who told me she felt ugly that day, I told her she was beautiful, she told me I would not know what it was like to have days when I don't feel beautiful. It really hurt my feelings that a friend of mine would view me like that, I never thought I came across like that, but to her I did.  I have have days when I feel horrible, I just want to wear sweat pants and a mask to work! Others days I feel like a run way model! These things are normal, but I want to always remember that God loves me just the way that am and I am learning accept my imperfections! 

I love you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thank you God

Let's start off with (Ephesians 5:22-33) So having a spouse is a good thing and I am grateful for mine. Us as women tend to complain about what our men do not do and we hold them in the highest regard, as if they can not make a mistake or fall short. We are all imperfect individuals  but with prayer and supplication we have God's grace. The other day my husband was late coming home and in my mind I was mad at him I was thinking "how rude and inconsiderate", I called him No answer it was 7:00 p.m. already and I knew he got off at 6:00 that evening. I was going to let him have it when he got home, I mean I was boiling, I had keep up with the house, homeschooled our children, cooked all meals etc... I was thinking like how do I deserve this?

  Outside I heard our truck pull in the driveway and I was so prepared to go off on him but what saved him is that #1 our kids were all still awake and #2 I was on the phone with a good friend of mine and I didn't want her to know how mad I was. My husband came in the house I did not even get up to open the door being in my feelings and he immediately went to the kitchen I didn't even look at him . At that moment he walked over to me and just stood there and I finally looked up at him with a grimace and he handed me a card and a bunch of chocolates wrapped up in a box. How foolish I felt the reason why he hadn't answered the phone was because he was busy showing me affection with gifts. I carefully read the card that he gave to me, it was so cute and right on track with our relationship.

My mood instantly changed instead of thinking about what he had not said or done I was thinking about my mood, how could I have been so selfish thinking it was all about me. I had not showed him any affection or appreciation at all lately and he was nice enough to go out of his way to do something nice for me. I had to re-evaluate my attitude, I quickly hugged him, hung up with my friend and thanked him over and over for showing me appreciation because really that is all that I wanted and he knew that. For now on I will tell him how much that I appreciate him and respect him for loving me and just for going to work daily for the greater good of his family.

Immediately I  thought of how the bible at the end of the scriptures that I quoted earlier at Ephesians 5:33 it says however, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Power of Prayer

Over the last week I have been studying biblical prayers in the bible, while studying this topic I have really felt convicted. Conviction is not a bad thing, to me its simply the Holy Spirits prompting for me to improve in certain areas of my life, its not the first time I've felt conviction and I'm sure it won't be the last time either. Truthfully my prayer life is not what I'd like it to be, it's not even close. Depending on how tired I am often determines if I pray, how long I pray or sit and have quiet time with God. Praise God that the love He has for me is not dependent upon my prayer life! No matter how much we pray, there is always room for improvement in our daily prayer lives. We are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to "pray without ceasing or to pray continually." Just off that one verse alone I know I can do better...a whole lot better. Imagine how much different our lives could be if we truly prayed all the time. My God! I believe we would be filled with the peace and joy of God through every circumstance, hardship, and trial that we ever faced! How amazing would that be! I want to do better, I want us all to do better in our prayer lives, not just praying for ourselves but others as well.

Let's be truthful most of the time when we pray, we are praying for situations or people directly related to us or praying for God to work things out in our favor. I know I'm guilty of this on a daily basis. Since I've started reading over biblical prayers in the bible I've realized how self serving my prayer life is. OUCH! It hurts to admit that out loud but it's the truth. If it's all about me or people that are apart of my life how can I expect to accomplish anything for God? How many times in the bible, does it say "honor others above yourselves?" Praying for other people instead of constantly praying for ourselves is "honoring others above ourselves." Let's not stop there, how about praying for people that we've never met or encountered before? In Colossians 1:9-14, Apostle Paul is praying for the Colossians, whom he has never met before. He's not praying simple prayers of blessings over them, no he is praying for them to be filled with knowledge and wisdom through the Holy Spirit, he's praying for them to live lives pleasing and worthy to the Lord, he's praying that they bear fruit in every good work, he's praying for them to have patience and endurance, he's praying for their salvation! I've never prayed a prayer like this for people I know let alone don't know. I mean yes, when there is some kind of natural disaster, we all say a prayer for the people effected but how often are we praying for their salvation, praying that God would use this natural disaster to draw people near to him? I don't know about anyone else but my answer is never, never have I prayed those kinds of prayers but I want to start. I want to start because we are commanded to pray without ceasing and called to be disciples, we are called to go out and make disciples and there is simply no way to do that without prayer!

I believe we underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer gives us 24/7 access to God. Prayer is the key that unlocks all doors and not just doors for us or the people we know but for people we don't know as well. What if your praying for a complete stranger is apart of the plan for their salvation, would that give you any incentive to change the way you pray? My goal for myself is to start praying for future believers, truthfully I know this will be a bit of a challenge because it's a change and sometimes change can be hard but well needed. I know I can do it with the help of Christ because with Him "all things are possible!" I hope you all are as inspired and encouraged as I am to pray at all times, I truly believe if we all prayed this way and for people we don't know this world could be a better place. Besides when your so busy praying for others, it shifts your focus from your needs to the needs of others, giving you less time to worry, giving you more peace of mind and who couldn't use a little more of that?

My challenge for you all is to change some things up in your daily prayer lives, pray more! Get out of the routine of just praying for yourself and others you know, pray for the homeless person you seen walking down the street, pray for the people in the car accident you just passed, pray for people in the unreached areas of the world! Pray without ceasing!

Training them up

Today was a trying day, we finally are settled and getting acclimated to our new home. I feel like I've had to defend and or explain myself several times today. The topic of the day why do you homeschool? My husband Kevin and I felt that it was best to remove our children from the traditional school environment and do things a little differently and thus far I can honestly say that it is working.
Galatians 6:9 (NIV) Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
My story starts here I felt like my school aged children were being  judged by school officials in a negative way. Our family was not quite settled in our surroundings and our children were suffering because of it. I could see a struggle with in my eldest son his learning, he would not get it at school, his teacher was impatient and not willing to repeat her lessons on what was unclear to him. He would come home crying because he felt dumb and he thought his brain was not working. Other students would laugh at him because he wasn't reading as fast as them I voiced my concerns to the teacher, to the principal, to the office and board of Education no one seemed to care, after tutoring help from the school and various of other different courses of action I had a serious epiphany,  I was going to research home schooling him.

Spending a lot of time and energy into parent meetings and such I was loosing track of my other son whom at the time was a new Kindergartener, he was also struggling. Don't get me wrong I've always spent time with my kids and taught them myself but I assumed that them being in school  was the best option, not with 1-2 hours of home work a night per kid the traditional school thing was Horrible.

I now have 3 out of 4 completing lessons with me, it took some time finding out what works best for them individually but the reward is so awesome, seeing my babies have confidence with learning and having fun while doing so is so worth it. In Psalms 127:3 it says Children are a heritage from the Lord, Offspring a reward from him, I couldn't agree more. Summing up my explanations for everyone we homeschool our children because we know we love and care for our children, they are not taught to the test they are not condemned by there peers, still socialized and have a deep respect and love for God, themselves and our household. Homeschooling allows me to be more hands on and focused on each child individually, I love it, it works for our family at this time and Our children will prosper in the Lord.

Learning to ask for Help

The process of buying a car has been beyond overwhelming and frustrating on so many levels. I was expecting to literally go out and buy a car in one day. Anyone buying a car knows that it takes time and research. How unrealistic was that? I was very unrealistic and so are a lot of other views I have as well. A lot of times I don't want to wait for things to happen, I always want everything right now. This mentality has gotten me into trouble quite a few times, particularly with cars. The last three cars I've gotten were because I didn't know how to be patient and wait on God. Either financially they were out of my budget or I got into trouble with the cars needing repairs. At the end of the day, a lot of the problems I encountered were because of my inability to delay gratification, to patiently wait on God, and to trust in His promises.


This time around I am determined to do things different. See, "when you know better, you do better!" This time around I decided to do something that I absolutely, positively don't like doing, which is asking for help! For a long time I thought asking for helped reflected weakness because after all, "I'm supposed to have it all together." Actually asking for help actually show humility which is the opposite of pride and truthfully I was being prideful. Pride will get you into trouble as it did me.  See God has a way of humbling us when we let pride get the best of us or get in the way of His plans. Matthew 23:12 says, " For those who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted." I believe that one way God humbled me was through the loss of "my brand new car." A brand new car that I couldn't afford and the end result of that was my car being repossessed. I was so embarrassed and ashamed but it was my fault. I got a new car I couldn't afford because everyone around me was getting a new car and because I worked so hard, I "deserved" to have a new car. No, actually I deserved what I got because I went ahead of God thinking what he had already given me wasn't enough. The truth is, what God gave me was more than enough but I was ungrateful, I had this false sense of entitlement. God's word says, " He will supply every need of ours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:19. God supplies all of our needs according to HIS riches and going ahead of Him will always lead to trouble as it did with me.  LESSON LEARNED!


This time around I've enlisted the help of two very wise men, a financial counselor and a mechanic. These two men are very determined to help me, help me make better decisions, and put myself in a better situation for a better future. At one point I would have never asked for help but if I didn't I would have kept making the same mistakes over and over again expecting a different result! Really? That's insanity, literally! As much as I hated to ask for help, I'm glad that I did, I can see the fruit of that big step for me. God has blessed me in so many ways using theses two men outside of the ways I was originally seeking their help. Asking for help was a big step for me but has opened my heart in so many ways. I'm more open to the idea of asking for help, I'm also more willing to accept help when it's offered. I don't think of myself as weak and I don't feel ashamed when asking for help now. Truthfully we all need help no matter how good of a situation we think we're in. I am so truly humbled because so many people have reached out to help me, whether it's about budgeting, buying a car, or coming along side of me to help me with my son. So many times I thought I knew what was best for me or I thought I knew what I wanted but I didn't. What I have learned is God's ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are better than my thoughts. I have to choose whether I will honor Gods plan for my life or honor myself. I've decided to choose God because I know He always have my best interest in mind.


God is so good and he continues to reveal himself to me on a daily basis and sometimes he does it through some pretty amazing people. I am beyond blessed, I am beyond grateful, and I am so humbled by our Lord God Almighty. One of the most important things I have learned is, "my helps comes for the Lord, who made heaven and earth.-Psalm 121:2. When we need help all we have to do is ask and God is there without a shadow of doubt!

Focus

I have honestly not been motivated this last week, I feel like I have been out of touch with God lately.  I haven't been reading my daily Bible readings, I have half-hardheartedly been praying, I just overall feel like I have just been on the outs with God.  I wasn't even motivated to write this week, then I remembered what my purpose is and why this blog was started in the first place.  This blog was started to motivate and encourage others and sometimes we are the ones who need to be motivated and encouraged! 

I had been praying for the Lord to remove anything that was not like him, anything that means me no good and anything that was no longer beneficial in my life.  When I  tell you He did it immediately...He did it immediately...I was not ready! These things that were unlike him, these things that meant me no good and were no longer beneficial, turned out to be people too! That part somehow slipped my mind when I was praying.  People became inconsistent and I would wonder why but continue to allow them to be inconsistent...how foolish of me to waste my time and energy! I can admit that I was not ready to let go of some of those inconsistent people, I wanted them in my life for my own fleshly reasons.  I prayed for something, my prayers were answered and I was still allowing myself to be put back into the same situations, with the same people expecting different results...insanity and disobedience at its finest!

When we pray for something and it's not given to us on our time we have a fit and start to question God, when He gives us what we ask for and we aren't ready for it, we have a fit and question God.  This is a cycle that I want to break! I want to be able to pray to God asking and expecting! When it doesn't come on my time I want to be able to understand that things don't work on my time.  When I get what I ask for I want to be prepared to be obedient.  I asked God to remove these things because I could see that I was becoming distracted, which is why I have been unmotivated to spend time with God.  Anything that keeps me from the Lord HAS TO GO! PERIOD! 

Now that these things and people are being removed from my life I am able to refocus on the Lord who is my first priority.  Strengthening my relationship with God is very important to me.  Anyone who is in my life has to have the same focus or there will always be a conflict of interest and God will always prevail! 


"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want." Galatians 5:17

I pray that you all are encouraged and motivated to continue to strengthen your relationship with God! 

I am yours, God save me

I've really been struggling with whether or not to address this topic and address it head on...DEPRESSION! I touched on it briefly in my post last week but felt like I really needed to shed light on this epidemic our society faces and on my personal battle with depression. Truthfully in our society, we're taught to hide it. We put on a front like we have it all together when we are really dying on the inside. I know I am guilty of this. I've struggled with depression for more than half of my life, its often left me with feelings of shame, inadequacy, anger, hopelessness, confusion, fatigued, and the list goes on. My depression doesn't just effect me, it effects every aspect of my life, it effects my child, my sanity, peace of mind, my goals, my relationships, and friendships. Often times people who don't struggle with depression, don't understand it. I mean I'm sure everyone has times in life where it seems like everything around them is going wrong, they get a little depressed, that's temporary. Mostly dependent upon circumstances and usually when circumstance improve so does the way they feel. For me it's the opposite, most days are a challenge. Simple things like being motivated to do basic household chores become a challenge. When you have depression, it doesn't take much to become anxious or overwhelmed. A lot times I am so frustrated that I even have to deal with it, that it's even apart of my life. I don't know if that makes sense but its like I get angry because I have it, angry at myself that I can't just snap my fingers and be better or mad at God because at anytime He can deliver it from me, but he hasn't.


This past week I feel like my depression really came to a head. This past week I realized that my depression has effected the one person I love most in this world...my son! that realization rocked me to my core and scared every part of my being. Depression again left me with feels and inadequacy worse than I've ever felt before. Again ANGRY! Again angry with God. Why give me this little being to love, protect, and take care of but then not be able to enjoy him as much as I'd like because of depression? There are days when my depression is worse than others, when instead of coming home enjoying time with my son, I'm instantly overwhelmed and I just want to come home and sleep. How fair is that to him? It's not! My heart breaks for him and I don't want him to see me as weak because I couldn't deal. Truthfully I want to be his hero and I want him to see the best side of me! In the midst of all of thoughts, I had one thought that shifted my thoughts tremendously. That thought was that God is using my depression to draw me near to Him!!! In no way, shape, or form, am I saying that God gave me depression but I strongly believe God uses our struggles to draw us closer to Him and that's exactly what He's done.


See, I've realized if I don't draw near to God, this life, this world, my depression, will literally suck the life out of me. That's not what I want and I know that's not what God wants for me either. Last night I watched the movie about the life of Martin Luther and something he said really stood out to me. In the midst of him not feeling like he was good enough for God (inadequacy), dealing with his struggles, and depression, He fell to his face and said, "I am yours, God save me." That's the point I reached last week, I can't fix me but God can. See I belong to God, I am His, and if my suffering are part of His plan to share the Gospel, then so be it. All I can do is fall to my face and say, "I am yours, God save me." See His plans are better for my life than any plan I could ever come up with for myself. Depression is real, its apart of me, I don't understand it, but I know God has a plan for my life, a good plan. ~For I know the plans I have you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.~Jeremiah 29:11. I don't know what that plan looks like but I know there's purpose in my pain. I am never going to understand everything that happens in life and if I try, it will only lead to a life of misery. But if I keep my hope anchored in God, knowing He is good and sovereign, then He will give me peace that surpasses all understanding (Phillipians 4:7)


One of the biggest makes you can make is trying to deal with depression on your own. That's playing with fire and I've tried it, it doesn't work. The best decision I made was going to counseling. I've also shared my battle with depression with some of my church family, it gives me some accountability and also allows them to be there for me, check on me. It doesn't take away my depression but allows it to be more manageable, it gives me an outlet, it gives me control. In the midst of it, I still choose God. in the midst of it I can say, " I am yours, God save me." One thing I know for sure is no matter what I am going through, I will always need God, I will always need a savior, I will always need to say, "God save me." If you are battling depression, I encourage you to reach out and get help. Don't do it alone, its not possible. We all need God, we all need help, we all need others behind us, pushing us forward in our life with Christ!


I love you all and I sincerely pray for you all!


Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ

Fatherless Daughters

They say a girl's first true love is her father, but what about the girls who don't have a father or a father figure in their lives? How do these girls grow to experience the love of a father? How do these girls grow to understand what a healthy relationship looks like? What a man loving a woman looks like? 

I just want you to be encouraged and to understand that God may have used your father to bring you into this world and then removed him from your life to protect you.  Rejection is God's protection, even when your father is the one rejecting you.  I want you to be encouraged and to understand that, no you didn't deserve to be left behind by your father, but that does not define you.  I unfortunately know how it feels to yearn for your father's love and attention, to want to do right so he acknowledges you.  Growing up with a father who was there financially, but not emotionally took a toll on how I carried myself.  I didn't understand how a man was supposed to treat a woman because I didn't have my father there on a consistent basis and my mother was a single parent.  As a woman when you don't know how a man is supposed to treat you, you settle for less than what you deserve and you misconstrue what love really is.  It seems like I was constantly on the search for love and I was always left feeling empty and disappointed.  

One day in the midst of my quest for love, I was doing my hair listening to Pastor R.A Vernon preach on tv.  He was speaking about knowing your worth as a woman.  I literally broke down in tears, at the tender age of 21, I had never known what my worth was! I get so emotional when I think about the woman I once was, even more emotional when I see other young women on the same path for the same reason...no father.  I held onto so much resentment and hatred towards my father, but it was only hurting ME! I couldn't understand at that time that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for ME! 

As I grew older and became closer to God I realized that I was carrying a large load on my shoulders unnecessarily! All I had to do was forgive my father and move beyond those circumstances instead of allowing them to control me.  There are a lot of us fatherless daughters in the world and we can either choose not to forgive our fathers and move past our circumstances, or we can choose to trust in the Lord to provide and forgive those that hurt us.  

And, "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:18 

We have great comfort in knowing that our spiritual Father will never leave or forsake us! We don't have to go above and beyond to get God's attention or love, He created us, He loves us just the way we are and when we make mistakes, He won't leave you.  I know its hard when you want to just be loved, but I want you to know that the love of God is bigger than ANY man's love! Seek Him instead of an earthly man, trust Him and love Him! 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 

Ladies, I sincerely pray that you find comfort in these words, comfort in knowing that you ARE loved, you don't have to chase someone to make them love you.  You have someone who loves you no matter what you do! Always remember, you are beautiful and your circumstances, nor situations define you! 

Love you! 

Friendships

I was skeptical on writing this topic I thought at first it would be offensive or misinterpreted  toward others but after praying on it, it was decided that my transparency and honesty wins.  When I was younger in grade school I had a hard time adjusting and making friends not because I was strange or couldn't get along with others, only because I was shy. I remember eating lunch alone from Kindergarten until second grade I was picked on and called names almost daily. Being bullied day after day, month after month and year after year started to weigh on me. Not until one day I was approached by a young lady after I had stepped on her blocks clumsily( all because of house shoe day)  I was recognized,  at first there was a little hostility but over time we learned that we had the same similarities and even lived in close proximity to one another.

Over time I grew to  hold my friend in high regard always looking out for her always spending the night with one another and defending one another. We were best friends until the end and even had the matching bracelets that we had made to prove it. Before I met my "friend" I used to play with my Barbie dolls, cabbage patch kids and was even involved in dance class. I loved to tap dance and loved to play with my dolls dressing them up and taking care of them. I was told that I was uncool and all of those dolls that I had were juvenile and I stopped playing with them and at age 11 I stopped dance class as well.

In growing up and looking back on all of my sacrifices that I made to adjust to someone else' s liking I can't believe that I could bend so much. I was actually feeling like I had to give up all of the things that made me happy, that I liked just to fit in? I thought why would I do that? Being noticed and or loved was important to me I needed a friend I craved friendship and acceptance my whole life had been about pleasing others. Not until I was an adult did I first comprehend that the things that made me happy as long as they were pleasing to God. I did not commit any crime I've always been there for all of my friends but countless amounts of time I can remember when I needed a friend the most. NEEDED not wanted a huge difference a simply venting or how was my day, a shoulder to lean on or a reminder on behavior or scripture.

I have come to realize that sometimes friends come and go most are not forever just like the bible talks about different seasons . At first Thessalonians 5:11- Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing . My whole entire point is when you have a friend your duty is to build one another up with strong encouraging words and compassion. Do the things that you love to do with the conviction of God and his word. Love one another and be there for one another without turning away or being wicked. I want each and every one of you to be there for your fellow brother and sister and be transparent to your friend with honesty in a loving fashion. Hold no grudges, keep no record of what has been wronged be free to love and forgive one another. To allow this to happen I have prepared a prayer and scripture for us all to consider. At 1 Cor13:4-8 It talks about love I wont recall the whole scripture so that you may look it up and trust me curiosity will have you look it up.

Prayer Starter: Dear God please keep my eye simple and not get discouraged Lord allow me to accept the things that I cannot change and allow love and forgiveness to coincide in my heart with one another. God please allow me to change for the better and learn that we are all imperfect, and pray for comfort in me as well as my friends and foes. Thank you God for this opportunity to grow closer to you God through my heart and mind being cleansed of anguish and lingering thought of opposition.
All of these things We pray through your sons Name JESUS CHRIST AMEN.

Faith and Fellowship

At this very moment my heart is so full! Full because my day has been filled with fellowship with my church family. Never would I have imagined I'd be at this point in my life where I really enjoy people so much, where I'm genuinely excited and look forward to being around people, but not just any people, Gods people. Man, there is something freeing about being in His presence with people that all have the same common goal. The goal of loving God, loving people, being obedient, serving Him, serving others, and truly living life together as God has called us to do so. I don't know, I wish I could put into words what I'm really feeling right now, it's so surreal. My heart is overflowing with joy simply because I spent the day in fellowship, getting to know others, and allowing them to get to know me.


For the most part, I've always been a loner, don't get me wrong I have friends but I've kept myself isolated from people because of my fear of rejection and being judged...basically to keep myself from getting hurt. For a long time I thought that was the best way to be but as I've grown closer to God, he's began to change my heart, I've realized we were meant to do life together, and I've realized how much it's hindered me. We are suppose to bear with one another in love, be there through the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the pain, the heartbreaks, the victories, everything! "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."-Galatians 6:2


Being alone, letting fear and rejection control my life has left me battling depression and anxiety more than I'd care to admit. For a long time, longer than I could remember, I felt like no one could understand how I felt or what I was going through. No one could possibly understand the feelings of hopelessness and despair I felt but that's a lie. A lie the enemy tells us to keep us from fellowship and communion with others. See the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; but God has come to give us life, and have it to the full.-John 10:10. Not life alone but together, when God created Adam, he created Eve, "it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."- Genesis 2:18. We were never meant to do life alone but together. As I slowly begin to open myself up, let people in and get to know them, I've realized we're all battling a lot of the same feelings. Maybe I don't understand a particular situation you've been through but I know what it's like to be angry, sad, hurt, confused, asking God "why me?" or "why didn't you stop this from happening?" I know what it's like to carry guilt, shame, and embarrassment, not wanting anyone to pity you so you deal with it all on your own, and I am darn sure you all know these feelings as well. It's what you do what these feelings that matter, do you let them control you or do you control them? Easier said than done, trust me, I know, I totally get it! For a long time I let these lies control me and I say lies because anything that comes against God's word is a LIE!


There's comfort and most importantly peace in knowing that I don't have to go through life alone anymore. When I fall, when I'm depressed, or anxious, I have now have this amazing church family to lift me up, encourage me, pray for me, to just simply be there. When you fall and you're alone, its hard to get up but MY GOD when you have people to help you it's hard to stay down, they will not allow you to stay down. " Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."-Ephesians 4:9-12


As I walk through this journey called "life," I've realized the importance of being connected to a church, to God's people. My sincere prayer for you is that you will be blessed with what I've discovered in my church family. I've been blessed with this privilege to share my life with some pretty amazing people and so have you, you just have to take a tiny step of faith and put yourself out there. If your anything like me you go to church and try to dart out the door as soon as church is over (God has not delivered me from this yet but what can I say? I'm a work in progress...lol) but I would encourage you all to allow people to come beside you, love you, and encourage you! The hardest and most important step is you taking the first step, open yourself up even its just sharing something small, it gets easier and God will reward those tiny steps of faith. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.


If you don't have a church family or are unsure where to start, please don't hesitate to ask for help. I am more than willing to help in anyway that I can!


Until next time,
Your Sister in Christ

But GOD...

How easy it is to give up? The easy path is to give up, the road less traveled is the path of pushing forward when things are difficult.  Imagine a life with no tests, where would your testimony come from? I have been through SOOOO many tests and I get tests thrown at me every single day.  As I write this I'm probably going through 3-4 different tests LOL...BUT GOD! 

My angel on earth will be 3 on Friday, if you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be a mom to a beautiful baby, I would not have believed you! I thought that my CIRCUMSTANCES were above the plans that the Lord had for me.  I thought after miscarrying twice and having a blocked fallopian tube that I would never carry a baby.  I felt like I was being punished for my previous ways, I didn't feel worthy.  The enemy planted the seeds of deception in my head and I believed it.  When I found out I was pregnant with Christian I detached myself emotionally expecting a miscarriage.  I didn't want to feel emotionally for a baby that I may never get to meet.  Instead of enjoying my pregnancy, I was just waiting for something to go wrong. I was preparing myself emotionally for what I though was inevitable.  BUT GOD! My pregnancy was another test, in addition to being emotionally detached, I was a severe anemic and needed a blood transfusion to ensure a safe delivery.  38 weeks come and the tests keep coming! My blood pressure spiked and my baby's heart rate dropped...I just thought to myself "God, I know you wouldn't bring us this far for something bad to happen now".  My delivery was high risk...BUT GOD! My beautiful baby boy was born at 10:25am on November 6, 2012 at 6 pounds and 20 inches! 

"For this child I prayed; and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of him" 1 Samuel 1:27

What I now understand is that it wasn't in God's plan for me to have a baby prior to Christian, I wan't ready.  I wanted so bad to be a mother, but for the wrong reasons.  I also understand that God does not punish us for things we have done in the past.  As long as we confess with out mouths and ask for forgiveness, it is forgiven and forgotten! As a mother I keep unsafe things from my son because I love him, its never because I am punishing him or I dislike him.  How amazing to know that God does the same thing for us? When you realize your circumstances are temporary but the love from God is permanent and He loves you no matter what, you become free! 

To all of you woman who may be discouraged, feeling unworthy, feeling like God is punishing you or you may be going through test after test after test and you feel defeated, know that our God is a faithful God.  He doesn't stop loving or liking you when you make a mistake, He doesn't punish you for making mistakes, He does quite the opposite...He gives us His MERCY!! 

Thank The LORD

Wow Not relying on your own understandings is amazing.... I mean when you finally let go and let God the rewards and blessings that follow are incredible. God heard my prayers I cried day and night questioning God why was everyone around me getting New things like homes or cars but I was stuck. I started to feel like I was worthless I mean we are a family of 6 and having to live in some one else's home was definitely not on my list. I prayed to God for a solution but I did something wrong I expected a solution (right now) on my own time. I remember crying about my living circumstances to my friends and even to other family members, when one day I was reminded that at least I have somewhere to lay my head at night and cook meals.
God knows the heart and he knows what is needed, when to provide it and how much we can take. I want to praise God and thank him for the constant reminders that #1 I am not alone, #2 Trust in his word and most importantly of all after all of my 29 years on Earth I finally have patience. I am a true living testament of how relying on your own understandings and trying to make your own paths do not work. I am blessed to say that I have the opportunity to be alive and have learned from my former bad decision making. Praise God that with diligence, supplication, prayer and patience we have found a home our home a perfect price, location and fit for us. We will be close enough to our family if we need any help but far enough that no one can just drop by when ever they would like to. Proverbs 3:5- Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. I whole heartedly believe in this scripture and now have a divine since of relief.
It is amazing to me that God just knows your heart before all of us were born or even thought of our lives were mapped out Start to Finish. Our God is literally Awesome I just want to thank him for all of the blessings that we have gotten thus far and all of the lessons and blessings we will have yet to come. If you are feeling down and alone remember that your storm is temporary it is a nudge a shoulder tap from the LORD turn around, turn towards me. The LORD requests your presence and needs your love so that he may bless you with great abundance. Us as people we are not meant to struggle and just barely make it by.. I urge you to change something in your life and read the bible get closer to GOD and your situation WILL change.

Trusting in God While Grieving

I debated on whether or not to post how I felt yesterday, I debated on whether it was something I wanted to blog about...but writing is my release. Writing allows me to be my introverted self on paper & still express my thoughts & feelings. I also debated because this is something very close to my heart & I'm very guarded with my heart. But, I promised to be transparent...so here goes my transparency...

When you lose someone close to you the first thing we tend to do is question God & His timing. We ask why for our selfish reasoning instead of asking for understanding, strength & courage to get through the trying time. Today I lost my uncle, my uncle raised me as though I was his own. He taught me things that a father is supposed to teacher their daughter. He showed me how a man should treat a woman & taught me to never settle for less than what I was worth. It's hard to lose someone who had such s major presence in your life. When I think of how I feel...I just feel sad, really sad. How do you cope with the lost of a big piece of your heart? How do you cope knowing that you'll never hear that person's voice again? This person being one of the only people who showed you what unconditional love felt like, the person who made you feel safe, the person who made you feel beautiful & genuinely loved you for you. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope, I don't know how to grieve, I feel lost & it all feels surreal to me right now. I'm putting my trust in the Lord, that's all I know to do. 

When I grieve, I like to grieve alone...it sounds strange, but it's just how I deal with things.  It's honestly awkward saying out loud to someone that my uncle has passed, it makes me face the stark reality and I don't like that.  When I think of the 29 years I have had with my uncle, all I can do is smile! I'll always remember him as the strong, wise man that he was.  

The Winking Lizard was our favorite spot, he and I had been going there since I was at least 5. Blessed to have my own memories and blessed to have these memories for my son as well!

Thanks everyone for all of your support during this trying time! I greatly appreciate it! 

Relying on the Lord

I was thinking about how I could contribute to blogging when I prayed about it my heart just opened up. There is a lot that people do, they feel shamed, hide and even lie just to make themselves feel better. I too have fallen into these circumstances, dealing with depression and rage and shame most of my life. I never really understood how to be transparent towards others it always seemed that when I needed to have some one in my corner they were never all in or had a different agenda.

Not until recently about a year ago did I fully comprehend that I was not in charge. Don't get me wrong I mean I knew about God I have been baptized, saved by his grace many a day and thanked him as well but I never Grasped the concept of taking a back seat. When I was approached by one of my very best friends about the possibility of starting a blog I was thinking " I am already too busy homeschooling my four children and being a wife". As time went on and we went from just talk to action and I am so happy that we did. Our first lesson together as a group was being transparent I thought I already knew how to do this ooh boy was I wrong. I knew how to bend towards others and say what I thought was needed in order to avoid opposition and confrontation.

After starting the lesson I grew to know God and myself closer, It helped to study scripture and
apply scripture to daily life and not only that but we held one another personally accountable for strength through prayer. The acronym  L.I.F.T soon became our name and is very suitable (Ladies in faith together). One of my favorite scriptures is at proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart , and do not lean on your own understanding. I have found this scripture to be very helpful in my daily life. I used to be anxious and sometimes honestly I still am about things that arise in life but I am not in control all that I can do is pray. God will make a way for YOU when the timing is right. I now understand and do not question God this year alone our family has been so blessed and it is all because we love the Lord and have gotten closer to him.

I want to urge all of you to learn this scripture at Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I WILL answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not know. The Bible is a promise and we as Gods people will grow as we unite with the Lord, trust in him and rely on his Word.

My pain, Gods Purpose

I've really been contemplating what to say or where to start. I even contemplated whether or not I should do this blog because I questioned my ability to reach out to women and help them. Then I realized this was a desire that God placed in my heart, so surely I could do it with His strength and grace. So, I asked myself why are you doing this, what's your purpose? What I realized is that I want to help empower women, young women, and girls. I've seen so many women, including myself settle for less than we deserve, which happens to be God's best for us! I've often found myself looking for love in all the wrong places because I was trying to fill a void that only God could fill. I had my son at 15 because I was looking for love in all the wrong places, hoping that the love of my child would fill the void of emptiness and loneliness that I struggled with on a daily basis, but it didn't! When I look at all that I've been through, the struggles, the heartbreak, the pain, and the loss, it was all a platform to my purpose. I do pray that you all don't have go through the same things I did because a lot it was my own doing, but I do know that we have to go through some things (struggles, pain, and suffering) for a DIVINE PURPOSE. I have to admit a lot of the bad decisions I made were simply because I didn't know my self worth, I didn't know how much God loves me, how He wants me to be the best version of me that I can be in Him! He has great plans in store for us all. I want women all of ages to know and believe this! To sum it all up I have a passion to encourage and empower women, to reveal to them the love of Christ, to lead them to Christ, and help those in need of the same AMAZING GRACE that I continue to experience on a daily basis! We are all a work in progress, on a journey to do this thing called "life" together! Just know that God has a plan for us all! Your pain is your platform for you purpose! "~For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."~Ephesians 2:10

Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ

No Role Models

I'm not really sure where to start or what to say to start off, I have so many things going through my mind.  I have been contemplating starting this blog for a year now and have procrastinated on doing so, but God kept putting it on my heart to just do it.  

God keeps telling me that my calling is to inspire and minister to women, but when I think of myself and all that I have been through, I wonder how I can inspire and minister to other women when I'm still trying to figure it out myself...I know we are all works in progress, but I don't think that I am a role model or even someone that people should want to be like.  Then I think of the example God wants us to be like, He wants us to be an example of Him and who He created us to be.  When people see us, they should see Him and that is the type of role model we need, not only women, but men as well.

In my daily prayers, I always ask to be an example of who God wants me to be and let it be transparent to anyone who I encounter.  We are all sinners and we disappoint Him on a daily basis, however we have His GRACE! We all have testimonies and we all have things that we are not proud of, we all have things that we want to keep hidden from people, I am no exception.  My goal with this blog is to be transparent, to share my short comings, my disappointments and my testimony in hopes that someone will be encouraged and inspired.  

The world we live in is so focused on worrying about what others have and how God has blessed them, that we have some how forgotten how to put our devices down and pray and study the Bible.  I know this is something that I struggle with and I pray to become better.  

My challenge to you and myself is to stop harboring over what others have, one we don't know their testimony, we don't know what it took for them to get there, two we don't know what relationship they have with God and that's none of our business, and three God will not give someone else YOUR blessings! 

I'm so excited to be on this journey, I'm not sure where we are headed, but I know God has equipped us to handle it!